Are you struggling to bring your children back to the faith? Keith Nester shares his heartfelt advice on how to navigate this common parental challenge. Discover practical tips and encouragement from a seasoned spiritual guide.
Transcript:
And this might actually be the most common question that I get after talks and often I’m baffled at what to say. So I want to hear what you have to say.
What can I do to bring my children back to the faith? I don’t know what I did as a parent. I don’t know where I went wrong, but none of my adult children are practicing the faith or most of my adult children are not practicing the faith.
I get that. That’s the most asked question I get too, Cy.
And here’s the deal. There’s no easy answer to that question because there’s no one thing that’s going to work for everybody because everybody’s different.
Relationships are different. Some people have relationships with their kids where they can sit down and really openly share about things. Other people have relationships with their kids where their kids don’t care about what they say. But what is universal in that is prayer and also living the faith in front of your kids and everybody else in devotion and in joy. Those are the two biggest things. And then trusting God to work. That’s where I think a lot of us fall down. We want to take control of that process.
We want to say, “Okay, God, I’ve got to figure this out. What can I do to bring my kids back?” The reality I’ll tell people is this. You can’t do anything to bring your kids back. You can only allow God to work through you in the ways that he sees fit. But what you need to do, regardless of whether you have kids or not, is you need to live your faith before them with everybody, with devotion and with joy. Because if you take away either one of those two things, it’s going to be a disaster. If you take away devotion and you’re just kind of a, “Well, I don’t care. I don’t really practice my faith. I don’t go to church every week. I don’t fulfill my obligations as a Catholic.” Then they’re not going to listen to anything that you say. They’re not going to watch any videos you send them. They’re not going to read any books that you give them. Because if they look at your life and your faith is sort of mediocre to them and it doesn’t really affect your life much, they’re not going to care.
Or if you’re like the other kind of person that you’re like, “No, I practice my faith to the nth degree,” but you’re grouchy about it all the time. And all it does is make you depressed and grouchy and sour. That’s not going to draw them in either. I think we all know people in both camps. We know some people who are like happy-go-lucky, but they don’t really know or care about their faith. And then we know other people that they look like Mr. T, but they got all miraculous medals on and they’re just like, they’re in the church praying 50 million rosaries every day and every other word out of their mouth is about this. But yet they don’t exude joy.
That’s going to have the same effect. People are going to look at that and they’re going to say, “That’s not really for me.”
So you have to do both and you have to trust that God is at work in that.
Man, it’s so hard to do because I mean, because what I often say to people is I’m in the same boat you are. I’m not, so I don’t have some brilliant answer to this, but that trusting part is hard. You just want… That’s what you want as a parent is for your children to be all right. I know that the safe harbor,
the safe harbor in this world is Jesus and I just want them in that safe harbor.
I’m with you too. I’m with you too. I will tell you this.
God, you have to play the long game and you have to trust God and you have to hit what’s pitched to you, meaning you’ve got to have your eyes open.
Remember, God has a process in this, not you. What I mean by that is this.
You might have an interaction with your son or daughter where God is priming the pump for you to encourage and equip them in some way, but maybe it’s going to happen in a way that you never thought possible. Maybe it’s going to happen through some kind of tragedy or through some kind of heartbreak that your kids are going through, or maybe it’s going to happen through something that’s going to happen in your life that they’re going to pay attention to see how you respond to that. What does your faith mean to you when life hands you something difficult?
Sometimes it’s through those things that none of us would choose, but God chooses to work in and through those things. You have to always ask yourself every day, what does it look like for me to be faithful in this situation right now? Maybe I have a son or daughter who wants nothing to do with me, and I’m not allowed to share the faith. I’ve had my kids tell me, “Keeffe,” or they say, “Dad, I don’t want to hear it. We’re sick of hearing about the Catholic Church all the time. Shut up about it.” I have to ask myself, what does it look like in that situation for me to be faithful when they say that to me? I’ve had other times when they said, “We have a lot of questions about this. Can we meet and talk?” I have to be faithful in that and say, “What do I get to do in this situation?” I’ve had situations where I’ve said, “Hey, do you want to come to Mass with me?” Or, “Will you come to Mass with me?” They’ve said, “No.” Then I’ve had other situations where they’ve called me and said, “Hey, can I come to Mass with you?”
I guess my point is this.
It’s a roller coaster ride. Of all kinds of different situations and scenarios, you can’t just overlay one thing over that for everybody in all times and all places. For the love of God,
please, and I’m a content creator, you guys are content creators, do not think that the answer is just giving them a book or sending them a video. Do not spam your kids with all the Catholic stuff. It’s only going to work against you. Again, I’ve got books about this, you guys too, but I would rather have nobody buy my book than have my book be used as some way to pound something over somebody that’s not ready for it who is going to just be like, “Get that away from me.” If they’re not ready for it, don’t think that that’s the answer. Yet, why do we do that? Because it’s easy.
I can buy a book, I can just, “Here, read this.” I remember what it was like when I wasn’t Catholic and people wanted me to become Catholic. Every time I turned around, someone was handing me a book or handing me a trinket or handing me a medal or handing me a rose, and I’m just like, “What do I do with all this stuff?” What I really needed was someone who could show me what Catholicism was, not just give me homework.
That’s what we need to do with people.
Hey, thanks for watching. If you like this Catholic answer, be sure to like, subscribe, and check out our live streams Monday through Friday, 3 to 5 p.m. Pacific, or find the episode after on YouTube, our favorite podcast platform, or our Catholic Answers app.