Are you unsure how to discuss pride month and other celebrations of LGBTQ lifestyle in a charitable, Catholic way? Fr. Philip Bochanski, executive director of Courage International, gives a caller on Catholic Answers Live his time-tested advice.
Caller: I work at a large corporation, and every year it seems like the pride celebrations get bigger and the employees are kind of asked to participate in different things, or they’re handing out stickers to support Pride Month. And I just never know what to say, so most of the time I just tell them I don’t want the sticker, or “No thank you,” and I’m polite, but they look offended. And it’s not that I have anything against them personally, it’s just that it’s not something that I want to promote or support. I don’t know if that’s horrible. Is that horrible, Father?
Fr. Bochanski: I certainly don’t think it’s horrible. I mean, I think there’s lots of people that can sympathize with that experience and where you find yourself.
You know, it’s important for us to give witness to what we believe. It’s also important for us, as St. Paul would say, to say the things that people need to hear, the things that will help them. And sometimes that means choosing the moment where we enter into that conversation.
So in the elevator, for example, it’s probably not…you’re not gonna have the chance to speak clearly about what the Church teaches and about what you believe, so in that kind of a setting you’re going to give a much better witness by being charitable and polite and kind and cheerful.
Host: Which sounds like Diana’s doing.
Fr. Bochanski: Yeah, exactly. So, you know, that means that people can’t say “Oh, those Catholics, they just hate everybody because of their narrow ideas.” So, you know, you can politely decline, or maybe even just say “Thank you,” and put it in your pocket, and, you know, don’t worry about it. You know, we have to give witness, but we don’t have to seek martyrdom, right?
And there will come a time when someone may put you on the spot and say, “Well, are you gonna help with this or not?” And you’ll have to say “No, I’d rather not be involved with that.”
“Well, why not?”
“Well, because this is what I believe, not just for me, but for human beings, that this is how we’re made, and what we’re supposed to do, and I think that what you’re asking me to do would push a contrary agenda and be a counter-witness to what I believe is important.”
And then there may be consequences, right? But I think, you know, we wait for those moments where we can have that serious conversation; and when there isn’t an opportunity for serious conversation, just stay cheerful and charitable and do it—I think what you’re doing is handling it the right way.
Host: Okay, Diana?
Caller: Thank you! Thanks for what you guys do.
Host: Oh thank you, you too. Thanks for what you do. I appreciate it, Diana, that’s very kind of you.
It does strike me, Diana’s question actually focuses on something that that bothers me about this that’s hard for me to articulate sometimes, and maybe you can just relieve me of if I have this all wrong. But it feels like sometimes, in the name of tolerance and love, what’s actually being done is exerting social pressure. But it’s not….am I right or am I wrong about that?
Fr. Bochanski: Oh yeah, no, I think we’ve gone far beyond tolerance, right? You know, tolerance would mean, like, “I’m going to respectfully let you know that I disagree with you, but still treat you with respect, compassion, sensitivity, still treat you like human beings, still be polite.” You know, if all people really wanted more tolerance, then we could agree to disagree.
But I think we’ve gone well beyond that in terms of political and social pressure, where people really want you to say that you’re on their side or that you’re with them; and if you don’t, then they’ll accuse you of all sorts of nasty things, like being a bigot or being unreasonable or being hateful, even when your behavior and the way that you’re talking to them and treating them certainly would belie that reality.