Every time I get dressed, I have an opportunity to ennoble and inspire. How I dress sends a message to all who see me regarding my sense of self-value and my regard for others. I can elevate godless society with beauty. This is the fruit of the virtue of modesty, one of the most hated words in the modern vocabulary.
There is a kind of dressing that respects cultural expectations, but that also inspires and elevates those who see me. This manner of dress answers the call of the Lord Jesus to be salt of the earth and leaven in the dough, a kind of missionary fashion. We must remind ourselves that the virtue of modesty is not a negative condemnation of women, but rather an exhortation to dress appropriately with respect to the occasion, in honor of our station, and with sufficient fabric that draws attention to our faces rather than particular body parts.
I am a full-time wife and homeschooling mother, so I dress in a way that shows the honor of my chosen vocation. I take ten minutes in the morning to put on a lovely outfit, arrange my hair, and put on mascara—not from insecure vanity, but so that I know that I am ready for the day and won’t give another thought to my appearance as I seek to love my family and friends well.
If I were a man, I would have the same responsibility to dress with respect to the occasion, my station, and the dignity of my body. Men dress modestly by dressing with decorum and respect. This is how they show all who see them that they value themselves, their families, and their work.
We might think we have only two options in American culture: embrace cultural pressure to devalue our bodies and be overly casual, or reject our culture and dress like the Amish. But unless we actually are Amish, both options are insufficient. We want to neither embrace the culture of the world nor reject it totally. We want the middle path, the golden mean of virtue, which recognizes the opportunity to evangelize culture through dressing nobly.
We can consider the two extreme poles of vice that lie on either side of the golden middle of modesty: shamelessness and bashfulness.
Shameless dressing is pervasive in our culture. One way it is expressed is through the uglification movement. We see it everywhere: tattoos covering the body, half-shaved heads, piercings everywhere. Anthony Esolen calls such aberrations ugly, self-advertising, and narcissistic. Deliberate uglification recalls what Saint Augustine said about the devil: he cannot create, but can only corrupt and pollute the good that God has made.
Another expression of shameless dress is the overtly sexy style, which presents the body as an object for lustful viewing. I dressed in an overtly sexy manner before I knew better, and I was aware of the seductive power that I wielded over the opposite sex. This style of dress is more prevalent among women than men, but certainly men, too, can show off their bodies inappropriately.
When I had my conversion to the Catholic faith, I felt ashamed of how I had presented myself. But my solution swung to the opposite extreme: now I wanted to cover up with too much fabric, shapeless and baggy.
This was not a migration to virtue, but rather an embrace of the flip-side vice: the vice of bashfulness, which St. Thomas Aquinas describes as misdirected piety. In my case, I rejected my feminine beauty out of shame, and I wanted to hide from the world. (Nor is this sort of bashfulness restricted to women! Men can be inappropriately bashful, too.)
It was not until I discovered the true definition of modesty that I understood the missionary, evangelizing opportunity I had to dress in a noble and respectful manner. Virginia Nunziante, who wrote the introduction to Christian Fashion in the Teaching of the Church, notes the rich opportunity that comes with virtuous dressing : “Beauty and elegance can serve as instruments of the apostolate and the foundation of an authentically Christian fashion” (p. 38).
The love of Christ compels us. The harvest is rich, said Jesus Christ. When we choose honorable modesty in dress, avoiding shamelessness on the one hand and bashfulness on the other, we burn with zeal for the salvation of lost souls. The harvest is so great, and how we dress is an effective tool to reap it.
“Let your light shine before men,” said the Lord Jesus, “that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.” Shining before all for the Father’s glory is at the heart of the virtue of modesty.
Many times in the twelve years since I began to dress in a noble way, I have had the opportunity to plant a gospel seed because someone liked my outfit. I can convey that I don’t completely reject the culture in which I live, yet I also preserve the mystery of femininity by forsaking a sexy or edgy look. And if compliments come—“I love your outfit,” or “Your skirt is so pretty,” or “You should come in here more often!”—I don’t have to second-guess myself, wondering if I’m indulging my vanity through my clothes or seeking to draw attention to myself. Rather, adhering to solid, time-tested principles of dress can shrink the ego while also promoting loveliness—it is not so much about how beautiful I am as it is about how beautiful this way of dressing, of presenting the human person, is. I didn’t come up with it, I don’t deserve any special credit for it, and it will work just as well for anyone else.
The heart transformed in Christ ever seeks a connection, a starting point for a conversation. Like Saint Mary Magdalene, I have met the risen Christ and want to talk about him with everyone who’ll listen. Maybe a compliment at the salon can open up a conversation about our Lord. Even when no words are exchanged, a cheerful smile from a respectably dressed man or woman sends a message of encouragement and light, perhaps planting a seed of curiosity as to what makes that one different.
That is modesty. It truly is the golden road, the happy path between two poles. The virtue of modesty, sometimes described as a daughter of temperance, promotes human flourishing. Let us not dive headfirst into the culture and mimic its shamelessness, nor reject the culture and hide in bashfulness and shame. Rather, we can evangelize with our whole selves, even without words, down to how we present the “very good” bodies with which God endowed us.