In the Introduction to the Rite of Marriage, the Church teaches that “Catholics who have not yet received the Sacrament of Confirmation are to receive it to complete their Christian initiation before they are admitted to marriage” (no. 18). What’s that all about?
Is it another “hoop” the Church makes people jump through? Is it the Church’s version of making sure our “spiritual shots” are up to date, updating the vaccination record while she has a chance? Isn’t it good enough we have young people who want a “church wedding” without putting them through the “grave inconvenience” (the exception in no. 18 allowing it to be waived) of having to be confirmed, too?
No, no, and no.
Let’s back up a bit. Last year, Michaël Gasperoni and Vincent Gourdon published Le sacrement oublié, a collection of essays about confirmation since Trent. What’s important is its title: “The Forgotten Sacrament.”
How many people ever remember their confirmation? A one-time event in youth, confirmation has practically become not a sacrament of initiation, but rather a sacrament of exodus. That many young people abandon the Church between confirmation and matrimony is no state secret. Given that many are also choosing either not to marry or to substitute many ersatz arrangements for marriage, some well-intentioned people don’t want to “alienate” those stilling seeking to marry in the Church by bringing up the “forgotten sacrament.”
Now let’s discuss confirmation’s place in the Christian life.
First of all, the sacraments are not seven unrelated ganglia, just hanging out there. There’s an order and ranking among them. They all ultimately have their sense in relation to the Eucharist, “the source and summit of the Christian life” (Lumen Gentium 11).
Baptism, confirmation, and the Eucharist are the three “sacraments of initiation.” They incorporate ever more deeply a person into the Church, culminating in the Eucharist. A full-fledged Catholic has received those three sacraments.
What does Confirmation “add”? Being “sealed with the gift of the Holy Spirit” enables us to witness to Christ. Baptism incorporates us into the mystical body of Christ. But the Christian is not for himself: he is meant to be “salt of the earth and light of the world.” He is meant to evangelize. He is meant to be a living icon of Christ.
And since one can hardly pray “Jesus Christ is Lord” without the aid of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor. 12:3), how much more do we need the Spirit’s help to witness to that prayer? When you were confirmed, your soul was indelibly marked by the character of this sacrament: you are uniquely configured to Christ as his witness, his herald, his prophet.
Now, when it comes to witnessing to Jesus publicly, the two primary ways Catholics live this out is through two sacraments: holy orders or matrimony. Nobody would question that, prior to ordination, a candidate for the priesthood must be confirmed. He needs all the divine power he can get to be a priest.
But the same is true of marriage. Remember that when the Church speaks of the sacrament of matrimony, it is not thinking of a social celebration or a “magic moment” in which two people “get married.”
Yes, marriage is social, and it’s a celebration. It’s the Church coming together around its son and its daughter to witness and affirm that the love they vow is part of something much bigger than them, much bigger than this gathering. Its roots go all the way to the Trinity, to a God who defines himself as “Love.” It is that God who may give them children, expanding their love, and will be the one waiting for both of them in eternity.
Nor is the sacrament a “magic moment,” something that once happened in St. X Church on such and such a date and is now over. Rather, marriage began in St. X Church on such and such a date and will continue until one of these people is carried feet first back into St. X Church. There’s truth in the adage: marriage—as a sacrament—is not a moment, but a lifetime.
If we are convinced, then, that the Church does not see a wedding as a momentary “fill-up” at the spiritual gas station, but as the beginning of a new aspect of the Catholic’s vocation, then we can see that confirmation is critical to that mission.
Marriage and family life are very much ground zero in terms of bearing witness to Catholic teaching. And the first place that arises is within the domestic church that is the family.
The partners themselves may experience spiritual temptations. They’ll need every resource to cope. If it’s a marriage involving a non-Catholic partner, even more so.
If God blesses them with children (which we pray for in the nuptial blessing), they will “be the first teachers of their children. May they be the best of teachers,” as the Baptismal Rite puts it.
When those children venture out the door, they will be swimming in a culture rife with values alien and hostile to what Catholicism stands for. Those values will sing a siren song, assuring kids they can ignore their parents, because “your secret’s safe with us.” Especially when puberty sets in, those young people will be like little Adams and Eves, rebelling to prove they “can be like gods (or at least parents) knowing good and evil.”
Do you doubt that you need the Holy Spirit to do this job right?
That’s why the Church calls for somebody preparing for marriage who missed confirmation to be confirmed.
(It’s also why the Church empowers priests to administer Confirmation to anyone unconfirmed “in danger of death”—see CCC 1314).
Most marriage preparation takes a year, if not for the utilitarian consideration of reception hall rentals. September is the time in many parishes that RCIA classes start for those who will enter the Church at next year’s Easter Vigil. If you’re thinking of getting married—even if you haven’t started the pre-Cana process—why not give the priest a call now to ask about how your parish or diocese prepares people for adult confirmation?
(For a good presentation on confirmation, on which this essay relies, see Fr. Romanus Cessario, O.P., The Seven Sacraments of the Catholic Church [Grand Rapids: Baker, 2023], pp. 180-93.)