Audio only:
In this episode Trent responds to the calumnious accusations several online personalities have made against his wife.
Transcription:
Over the past two weeks several prominent social media accounts have provoked hundreds if not thousands of people on the Internet to attack my wife and accuse her of committing grave sins. At first, I ignored these attacks because I didn’t want to dignify or amplify this behavior. But they’ve grown to such a level that I feel it necessary as her husband to say something.
If you want to attack me that’s fine, that comes with having a public channel. But my wife retired from public life a year ago. If you didn’t like an argument I made or a clip I showed of someone saying something ridiculous, then critique me. Anyone else could have made the exact same arguments I made so attacking my wife does nothing to strengthen your argument. Attacking her isn’t even an ad hominem fallacy, it’s just petty. And lying about my wife is a grave sin.
The Catechism speaks of calumny as “remarks contrary to the truth, [that] harms the reputation of others and gives occasion for false judgments concerning them. To avoid rash judgment, everyone should be careful to interpret insofar as possible his neighbor’s thoughts, words, and deeds in a favorable way.
But that’s not what’s happening with this group attacking my family. I have done apologetics for over 20 years among atheists, Muslims, radical pro-abortion and LGBT activists, and none have been as cruel or vindictive as so-called based Christians or based Catholics.
The lie they are spreading is that my wife Laura cheated on me or that she “almost cheated on me” which is a gross distortion of an appearance she made on Pints with Aquinas two years ago.
Over a hundred thousand people watched that interview and I didn’t see any of them come to this conclusion, which shows the people slandering my wife are either ignorant, vile, or both. Here’s what my wife said in the context of the dangers of women working outside the home:
I got super close to a male co-worker and I share this testimony. [Trent and I] used to do a marriage encounter weekend and I shared this testimony and I got too close to [this co-worker]. And you start, I wouldn’t say developing feelings and Trent knows all this stuff.
So right there my wife says she didn’t develop romantic feelings for this person. Laura was close to this person because the company she worked for assigned this man to train Laura so they had to work together one-on-one. Laura just recognized it’s imprudent to have a close friendship with someone like that and she said on Pints this is a reason it’s often a bad idea for wives to work even if it’s not gravely sinful for wives to work. This is a truth every married couple learns which is why we’ve publicly shared this story in other settings to help couples prepare for matrimony. Laura continues:
That’s how affairs, they happen very slowly. It’s not like you just have an affair with someone. You get to know them, you’re attracted to their temperament, they see the best side of you and Trent was very uncomfortable with it.
Once again, my wife is describing a typical friendship you’d have with a co-worker, not anything romantic. But my wife still came to see this as imprudent.
I was like well we’re just friends but he’s not a jealous person at all so [Trent] was like,
“You know I’m just asking that you don’t do anything that you wouldn’t be comfortable with me doing with a woman. Like you have that same standard. If I was talking to a [female] co-worker often and joking around with that person and they were you know getting to know [me]. Would you be comfortable with me doing that?”
And I was like, absolutely not I would burn her house down . . . So I did have to set a standard like I can’t talk to you one-on-one anymore.”
My wife then followed up on her own channel saying this:
Almost a decade ago, I had a male coworker I had to tell to stop texting me. That is literally all there was. Was I ever alone with this man? No. Did I ever say or do anything inappropriate? No.
As I said, over a hundred thousand people watched this interview over the past two years and they saw nothing scandalous in what my wife said. People have come to me saying they heard these accusations about Laura and then checked the original interview on Pints, which you can also go watch, and were astounded at the accusations being shared. These included people saying my wife fell in love with someone else, or fell in love with a part of them, which she never said. Or that she fantasized about other people, she almost cheated, or that she committed adultery. All of these statements are grave lies and people who say them should repent and go to confession for the good of their soul.
My wife gave a beautiful witness to recognizing that even if nothing bad is happening in a situation now, it can still be imprudent and that’s why she laid down a healthy boundary. I’ve done the same thing as a husband and every married couple sees the need to do this at some point in marriage.
Also, these same people going after Laura have attacked the wives of other Christians who criticize them, so I’m not an isolated case.
However, Laura and I do not hate the people who said these awful things. Instead, we feel great sadness for them. Living behind a keyboard always trying to own others isn’t going to make you happy or fulfilled. You won’t regret showing other people, even people who hate you, the fruits of the holy spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
If you have been a victim of calumny, my advice based on this experience is to give the anger you feel at being victimized over to God. 1 Peter 5:7 says, “Cast all your anxieties on him, for he cares about you” and take comfort in these words of Christ “Blessed are you when men revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven,”
It’s also fitting that we are near Holy Week because our Lord was the victim of people twisting his words to accuse him of crimes he didn’t commit. Mark 14:57-58 says, “some stood up and bore false witness against him, saying, “We heard him say, ‘I will destroy this temple that is made with hands, and in three days I will build another, not made with hands.’”
But Jesus actually said in John 2:19, “Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up.” Jesus never said he would destroy the Jerusalem Temple or even the Temple of his own body, which is what he was referring to. Instead, the people who hated Jesus wanted to hear the worst thing possible to justify abusing him.
When Jesus was reviled and mocked he didn’t lash out in anger. Instead he prayed “Father forgive them, they know not what they do.”
Once again, if you want to attack me because I was in some of my wife’s light-hearted videos on her channel, fine. But don’t attack her. I like being married to someone fun because it’s a nice break from being an otherwise serious person. I’m also proud of how my wife’s channel helped many people find joy in their faith through the gift of her humor. In fact, Laura was the only girl I dated who could make me burst out laughing, which is how I knew she was the girl I had to marry.
Some people people asked if I would debate one of the instigators behind this virtual dogpile and here’s my answer: I’m not going to sit down and have a chat with someone who claims to be Catholic but also viciously mocked my wife, accused her of wanting to have an affair with someone, and called her a crazy bitch.
I’ve debated morally degenerate people, but none of them have ever attacked my family. So no, debating such a person would be a colossal waste of my time and anyone else’s who would watch such an engagement. Some nonsense doesn’t deserve to be debated, it only deserves to be refuted. Ephesians 5:10-11 says, “try to learn what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.”
I’m much more interested in my upcoming content on Protestantism, the Resurrection of Christ, and other widely discussed moral issues. I’m also excited to host dialogues with people who believe in mature, genuine dialogue and don’t resort to troll tactics.
Finally, when life throws a curve ball at me, I often think about what our Lord promised “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” This isn’t just rest from physical work, it’s rest from all the weariness and evils of this life.
When people mercilessly attack you it’s easy to obsess over it and lose your peace. But when you keep your focus squarely on Christ and his mercy, a mercy I certainly don’t deserve, it supernaturally quiets your soul. As we near the end of Lent, I would encourage you to meditate on the mercy of Christ and rest in his peace, which is a foretaste of the unending peace we will have with him in the future glory.
Thank you all so much and I hope you have a very blessed day.